婚礼婚礼婚礼 Wedding, wedding, wedding

by shirls on December 12, 2007 · 6 comments in 大节大日,家人朋友,有感而发,马来西亚吉隆坡生活

(Dear English readers, please scroll down to find the ‘click’ for English translation)

原本, 几天后,我就会回马。一来,是要避一避这里的严冬。二来,是要出席共三场的婚礼。可是,最后还是改变主意,刚巧找到机票,就决定留到圣诞过后才回马。因为,圣诞在这里大过天。就如农历除夕一样,要一家团聚。我知道Ed和他家人希望我可以多留几天。所以,就留下来过圣诞。而且,去年的圣诞不是白色的,有点失望,今年雪下早了, 应该可以如愿以偿。

现在想起来,我也还没见识过马来西亚华人的婚礼。我在澳洲那么多年,马来西亚的朋友结婚,我都没机会出席。在澳洲,虽有参加过华人的婚礼,但都有点西化的。我还没见过什么兄弟们上新娘家‘抢新娘’啦,什么玩游戏捉弄新郎新娘啦,还有什么媒人婆尽说好听的话啦, 等等。这次回马参加婚礼,正好让我这个也开始有点西化的华人开开眼界。

只是,改了机票后, 我会错过一个怡保朋友的婚礼。很可惜。那婚礼是我很期待的。因为,在较小的城市举行,应该会较吉隆坡的传统, 也较不同其他两个婚礼是在吉隆坡)。我这个朋友也是在澳洲住了十多年。这次回马结婚,主要也只是让马来西亚的家人开心就是了。 我有几个在澳洲住的朋友都是如此,他们是一点都不用操心婚礼的。一切交由父母办,他们想怎样搞就怎样搞。总之,到时候,飞回马,出席婚礼,露个面, 一切照做,和亲戚打个招呼,就可以了。婚礼嘛,老人家开心就是了。

我曾听说过,有些朋友(不论是华人或洋人)因为婚礼和家人闹不满。也难怪,两代人的观念不同了,要办的形式相异,磨擦是难免的。有些华人朋友爱开玩笑说,她们的婚礼哪是她们自己的婚礼,其实是她们妈妈或家婆的婚礼。一切听她们就是了。华人传统尊重长辈。有些人觉得,算了啦,不然关系没弄好,嫁进去就难相处。可是,我有些洋人朋友对我说,如我结婚,一定要搞个自己开心的。这是一世人一次的,回头缅怀的是自己。别人意见听得多少啊。哈! 真是华人和洋人的观点不同。我觉得各有各对。只是,洋人性格较不记仇,过了就忘,相处不会太难。华人嘛,有可能会碰礁哟。

说起洋人的婚礼,前阵子,Ed带我去一个他好友的婚礼。在高尔夫球场举行。很小,才五,六张桌子。那五,六十人是新娘新郎最亲近的家人亲戚朋友。搞笑的是,他们想到可能有人不爱跳舞,给我们猜字游戏玩。新郎还有时间过来和我们玩上好一会儿 (如图)。我好喜欢,感觉好亲切,认识了些新郎新娘很好的朋友。我们真的是为新郎新娘庆祝,替他们开心的。可是,有些婚礼,有超过三百多人。我啊,坐在远远看我穿得很漂亮的朋友,可是却一句话都说不上。 当然,心中很替他们开心,可是也同时在婚礼上碰上一些人其实一点都不认识我的朋友或朋友的另一半。问起他们,关系差上几千万里。有时会疑惑,他们在这里是不是真的会替我朋友找到一世伴侣而开心。

唉呀!我啊,在这里啰哩啰嗦,又不是我的婚礼。嘻嘻!怎样都好,真的很替我那三个结婚的朋友开心。很期待见证他们说我愿意时的那刻…

I supposed to fly back to Malaysia in a few days. Mainly is to escape the cool winter and to attend three weddings in Malaysia. Last few days, I decided to stay here to spend Christmas with Ed and his family instead because I could feel Ed and his family are ‘quietly’ hoping I could stay. I guess, this is important for them because it is the main holiday season and it is when the whole family get together as a family. Luckily, airline helped me to find a seat after Christmas. In addition to that, I did not have a white Christmas last year, and it is likely that my dream will come true this year because it is snowing quite frequently recently !

Now when I think about it, I just realised that I never attended any Chinese Malaysian weddings. I have been living in Australia for over ten years, and I never got the time off for my friends’ weddings in Malaysia. I have attended some Chinese weddings in Australia but they were not as traditional as the ones in Malaysia. For example, there are traditions where the best-men party has to go the bride’s home to ‘take’ the bride out of the house for the groom. The bridesmaids will not open the door till they have ‘bargained’ for a good ‘price’ for the groom to the bride away from the family. There are also games in the wedding intended to embarrass or to test the bride and groom etc etc. These are some of the tradition I seldom see in Australian Chinese weddings. Going back this time will give me the opportunity to experience these traditions.

Unfortunately, after changing my air ticket, I will have to miss one of the three weddings. The one I am going to miss is the one will be held in Ipoh ( a small city north of Kuala Lumpur). I was a little disappointed because this is the wedding I am really looking forward to. A wedding in smaller city may be quite different from those in KL, which is something I would love to experience. This friend of mine has been living in Australia for over ten years too. Getting married in Malaysia is important as the family and all relatives in Malaysia can celebrate with her. Interestingly, my friend needs not to worry about a single detail about the wedding. Everything is organised by the parents in Malaysia. I have quite a few Malaysian friends were in the same boat too. All they need to do is to fly back a few days before the wedding, show up beautifully at the wedding banquet, say hello to people who attend the wedding, and that’s all they need to do. For them, it is more important that the parents are happy and they can announce to the relatives that my daughter/son is married.

I have heard a few incidences where brides have some arguments with the parents or parents-in-law because of different opinions on how the wedding should be. I think it is not uncommon because they are two different generations, it is almost unavoidable too. Some of my Chinese girlfriends like to joke about their weddings are not theirs, but the mother’s or the mother-in-law’s. For them, as much as they hope to organise the wedding their own way but they will eventually let the mothers to decide everything for them. For them, it is better to just respect the elderly, and to avoid any unnecessary arguments especially with the mother-in-law. This is to prevent any future tension after marriage. In contrast, my western friend told me a different opinion. They told me to do it my own way when it is my time regardless of opinions of others. It is just too difficult to please everyone and most importantly wedding is only once in lifetime. It is me who is the center of that day. Also, later in life, it is me who will look back and feel happy about that day. Well, I agree with both opinions. I guess, western culture is more ‘forgiving’ in a way and they don’t keep these ‘little arguments’ in their hearts. Unfortunately, some Chinese may keep bad feelings and may ‘manifest’ later.

Talking about western friends’ wedding, Ed told me to one of his good friend’s wedding recently. It was held in a golf club and was very small. Only about five to six tables and all of them were very close family and friends. It was a formal yet very intimate wedding. We got to know the family and friends well. The groom even worried some of us might not like dancing, he provided some games for us to play. He even had times to play Boggle with us. Compared to some of my friends’ over 300 people wedding, I could see my friend who dressed up so beautifully, but only from far, never really have a chance to talk. Yet, I meet many other people in the wedding who may not know my friend or my friend’s other half at all. They are the friends’ of so and so, and ‘happened’ to be invited. I sometimes wonder whether these people really care if my friends are happy in their marriages.

Wonder why I am talking so much here. These are not my wedding anyway. Hee hee…..just some useless whining. No matter what, I am so happy for my friends who are getting married soon in Malaysia. I am so looking forward to witness the moment when they say ‘I do’…..

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